Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
