rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is wine microwaveable?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
