I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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