Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
