I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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