his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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