what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
