its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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