I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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