if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
