i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
