Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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