I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Someone signed my nipple.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
