she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
