I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
