Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
