nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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