I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
