we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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