So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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