I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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