She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
