Moan for me like Helen Keller
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
