Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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