somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
ugly people sure do ruin things
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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