Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
