So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
