I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
