heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
