He kissed a someone with a penis
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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