I looked at my own cervix.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
