he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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