Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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