i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
