Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just gift wrapped bread.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
