Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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