He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize