I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize