there was a trapeze. enough said
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
