We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."