i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell