You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.