At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
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I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim