After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference