Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
