i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
