THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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