just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
