You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
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There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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