they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
