I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
