The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize