So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
