I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
