it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
