she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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