just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
