Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
