Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
