She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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