i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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