I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
