if i can run in heels then i can drive
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
