I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
