If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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