I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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