im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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