Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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